Anxiety

The word anxiety is defined as:

"an unpleasant, emotional state that involves a complex combination of emotions that include fear, apprehension, and worry, resulting from the anticipation of a threatening or negative event or situation"

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I'm all alone this weekend. I live in a fraternity house with twelve of my fraternity brothers and all but one of them is away. The majority of people are attending a retreat in Tahoe where as some have gone home for the long weekend.

I wanted to go home this weekend, but I decided to stay because I hate going home, for the most part. It's Memorial Day weekend and I had planned to attend the retreat I previously mentioned, but things changed and I ended up not going because of work.

My cousin from Arizona is coming home this weekend and I feel guilty for not being able to make it home. I haven't seen him in the longest time and I'm not taking advantage of my opportunities.

It's amazing to think about how much we've grown in the past ten years. I remember it like it was yesterday that we spent countless hours together. Whether it be camping, sitting or playing video games all day, I can remember spending most of my Summer and breaks this way. I miss it a lot.

I think what saddens me most about this situation is I know that it will probably never be like this again. The sheer fact that we're older is the debilitating factor. We're not kids anymore and spending nights in my cousin's bedroom is something the we're not going to do. It sucks to know that things aren't going to be this way again and in a lot of ways, I wish I could go back to it.

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In summary, I miss my family on so many different levels. I wish that I could go back to the way things were; go back to the times where I didn't have a care and in the world. I want to be in the place where I could spend my whole afternoon playing spoons and cards and not have to worry about school or work. When it comes down to it, I miss being home. I miss being with my family.

I'm anxious. Its an interesting set of emotions because the feelings are based on speculation and uncertainty. The word "anticipation" does justice to the way I'm feeling in that there is something happening which is giving me this anxiety. I am "anticipating" the outcome.

If things don't go my way I don't know what I'm gonna do.

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Have you ever heard the story "The Boy Who Cried Wolf"? Let it be known that if you have been crying wolf, your credibility has gone out the window.

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A friend of mine has been showing me some new music lately and I like it a lot. Here is a song from one of the artists she recommended. It's performed by one of my favorite singer/songwriters: Stu From Sweden